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What's happening to me? by ~meldorado92:iconmeldorado92:



The blood seems alive
once the vein has been found
my mind has gone blank
and I block out all sound

it tasts pretty good
but i don't know why
my victim is beautiful
but she's starting to cry.

I loved her so dearly
but after I "died"
she looked more delicious
to my hungry eyes

her beautiful neck
was alluring and sweet
but not so much now that
her heart's ceased to beat.

what's happening to me?
I thought I died!
but as my love perished
I did nothing but cry
©2008-2009 ~meldorado92
:iconmeldorado92:

Author's Comments

Vampire's are my fantasy (shut up all who wish to tease me about it), but their life seems sad, so ... yea ... hope you enjoy.

Comments


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:iconairtyler:
This is very intersting , i like the beat that it a to.
Although it is very erie at the same time.

--
"I have seen everything yet, i have seen nothing"
:icondrool-in-terror:
Oh dude... read Anne Rice... you want vampires and awesomeness and beautiful BEAUTIFUL vampires? Read Anne Rice ;P

--
I'm*Dean*NOT*Dean*obsessing!!*Dean* :ohnoes:
:drool: [link] :drool: If you aren't a Supernatural fan... click that. You will be.
:icondrool-in-terror:
Sorry just a note on rhythm too... I think you lost it in a few of the lines *sorry for being all critisizing... ^^;*

it tasts pretty good
but i don't know why
my victim is beautiful
but she's starting to cry.

How about "but I do not know why" it gives it more of a beat in that line.

what's happening to me?
I thought I died!
but as my love perished
I did nothing but cry

"What's happened to me?
I thought I had died
But as my love perished
I did nothing but cry."

How's that?

Sorry if it's too invasive of your poem ^^;

--
I'm*Dean*NOT*Dean*obsessing!!*Dean* :ohnoes:
:drool: [link] :drool: If you aren't a Supernatural fan... click that. You will be.
:iconmeldorado92:
Don't feel bad, I encourage constructive criticism. It's the only way to get better!
:iconyuseifudo:
Looks like power is involve in your poetry

--
my twitter account cos I dont liek subscription.

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December 1, 2008
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